Regrets: I’ve Had a Few

Regrets aren’t the reason why I started this blog. I realised I hardly have the time for regrets. At age thirty, having a good start to a brand new career as a prison therapist, married to a wonderful wife, almost paid off the my education loans, and having secured an apartment down the street, there is not a single moment when I sat down and think, “I should have done this; I could have done that”.

Today’s a cloudy Saturday morning, and almost everyone at home is still in bed. I can’t fall back to sleep once I wake up. It has been a habit since young. Got up, moved the mouse a little to wake my computer up, and the first thing I saw on the dusty MacBook screen: What is your biggest regrets?

I stopped for a moment and thought about this.

If I were to go back in time, and change something in my life, there would be a few things I might choose to do differently.

  1. Party myself crazy – I could have made more friends when I was in my teens and early twenties. I was such a loner back in my teens and the only things I do was to read, surf the Internet, and video gaming with a few geeks. I am the nerd. Sad to say, I missed out on so many parties that I could have fun and could have taken more photographs for memories’ sake.
  2. Have my own savings account – Throughout my early-twenties, I was still dependent on my parents for my pocket money. I should have saved up some money for the rainy days whenever my parents gave me spare cash. Of course, I took up a part-time job at a call-centre right after my National Service (NS) in the army. But those meagre keep I received every month was barely adequate to keep my stomach from starving. This is not Australia where the minimum wage is $18 or about. This is Singapore, and there isn’t any minimum wage! I was earning $6 per hour. Besides staying alive with what I have, I had other interests as well – like girls, and they definitely cost money.
  3. Not take break ups seriously – I confess. I was such a loser back then. I should have just walked off and carry on my life being happy, instead of calling my ex-girlfriend and asked for a patch up. Sadly, I was heartbroken and I couldn’t think straight. I was so madly in love that even till the end of it, if I remembered correctly, I had to beg an ex-girlfriend on one occasion. Dad was mad at me at this point. He gave me two weeks to get over her, or else, I’d face the music. So that toughen me up ever since, perhaps, a blessing in disguise… kind of.
  4. Study harder and further – If only I could have studied harder and googled my way through my university days, I could have got a spot to do my Honours in Psychology. The thing is, I played the game by the rules. I did research and studied hard, not smart. I could have gone for a postgraduate diploma in Psychology right after the completion of my degree, but because I was afraid of incurring more debts, I stopped there and moved on to find a job as a research assistant. I missed another opportunity to further my study in Psychology when I could have started my own saving account to pay for whatever I think necessary. Without a forth year in Psychology, I can forget about doing a Masters.

I hate to think about the past – my past. And wonder what if, and what could have been. It’s really sad to do that, but the good news is, I’m turning thirty in about a month. At this age, I have commitments and responsibilities. I have brought with me life lessons from my teens and twenties, and moved into a new phase of my life. I can now tell my stories (life lessons) with pride and maybe a spell of embarrassment. I have absolutely no time for regrets.

The hard truth about turning thirty is that time passes REALLY fast. Time truly waits for no one at this age. Sometimes, I feel myself decaying because I get really tired after work, and during weekends, I need plenty of rest before work on Monday. I have more Monday blues than before. And I am prone to aches and body pains (cross fingers).

Nevertheless, there are advantages. I am now not one but two. I am more financially independent. I know what I want in life. Friends come and go and I am not so bothered by it. Small entertainments (movies and foreign cuisines) are simply luxuries. My wife and I are fond of travelling and we plan to travel as much as we like before we think of having kids.

There are many ways to enjoy myself at the age of thirty and onwards. The reason is because: If not now, then when? When I grow old? When my brain give up on me?

To me, life begins at thirty. Regrets are simply history books for me to past my time, if I do have spare.


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